me and karachi on the outs (grammatically wrong but emotionally correct)

These days Karachi and I are on a disconnect. I am upset at her for the May 12 happenings. And the complete civic collapse following the rain. The electricty situation which progressed from dealable two hour loadshedding to mad 12 hour power breakdowns. I’m superbly royally pissed at the city because she is making it difficult for me to defend her to the people sitting cushily abroad tut tutting about the “state of affairs”. It makes me mad to not be able to defend her because at this point, the spirit which I go on and on about her having is skimming a persistent low.

I am waiting for her to make it up to me somehow. I don’t know what will work though. Maybe a day of particularly great weather. Maybe some random civic sense act by some random person on the street. Maybe a week or two of no electricity issues. Maybe some GOOD rain. I plan to stay upset for a while thought because only when you truly love something deeply, can it disappoint you to this extent.

now may 12, 2007: back to the 90′s?

In Karachi we are trudging along dealing with the heat and bijlee issues, and suddenly it hits us. The past.

Sitting at home today, watching news coverage on tv and praying for the CJ to come to his sense and just go back was eerily reminiscent of many days of O and A level times spent waiting for the tension time to be over so you could resume life. Normal life, as whatever we as students, defined it then. Giving exams in peace, sports day not being cancelled, last day of school being celebrated. Karachi has been good since then. Not brilliantly good but somewhat good. There has been some semblance of balance. Or have we just become immune to it all? I can’t even today, give into the cynicism and agree to it. I felt it myself, the sudden sporadic moments of coming together that this city has experienced in the last decade. One hoped with all their heart that it was not all random- that somewhere in there was a seed of civic sense that floated in from somewhere and took ground. And then a day like today comes along- and you wonder- if you imagined it all and really all that time passing meant no lessons learnt, no rules understood and nothing changed. I sincerely hope not.

may-be im ready. may-be im not.

This print-out-and-pin-up calendar was designed for my own use in the month of may after a few-month long suffering due to a severe dearth of good desk calendars this year. Please feel free to use also. Click on thumbnail for larger view, save file and then print.

sure, sure.

Ernest Hemingway said, “Sometimes you know the story/And sometimes you make it up as you go along and have no idea how it will come out.” And you know what, I am sure that those of us who make it up as we go along atleast have a better time even if it doesn’t quite end the way we once imagined.

sometimes you like feeling small in the vastness of life.

season, reason and lifetime

I got this forward a few years back and in my superior intellectual height at that time I thought that it was a bit trite, I saved it anyways. I found it today and somehow today, the simplicity of it was what I thought was very apt.

People come into your life 
for a reason, 
a season, 
or a lifetime. 
When you figure out which it is, 
you know exactly what to do.  

Some people come into your life for a reason.

It is usually to meet a need 
you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. 
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, 
to provide you with guidance and support, 
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. 
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. 
They are there for the reason you need them to be. 
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part 
or at an inconvenient time, 
this person will say or do something 
to bring the relationship to an end. 
Sometimes they die. 
Sometimes they walk away. 
Sometimes they act up or out 
and force you to take a stand. 
What we must realize is that 
our need has been met, 
our desire 
fulfilled; 
their work is done. 
The prayer you sent up 
has been answered and 
it is now time to move on. 

Some people come into your life for a season. It is because your turn has come 
to share, grow, or learn. 
They may bring you 
an experience of peace 
or make you laugh. 
They may teach you something 
you have never done. 
They usually give you 
an unbelievable amount of joy. 
Believe it! 
It is real! 
But, only for a season. 

Some people come into your life for a lifetime.

Relationships teach you lifetime lessons; 
those things you must build upon in order 
to have a solid emotional foundation. 
Your job is to accept the lesson, 
love the person/people (any way); 
and put what you have learned to use 
in all other relationships 
and areas of your life.  

the many many me’s i know

We all have multiple me’s. Ones that we listen to at one time, another at another and yet another at yet another. It’s marvellously convenient because mostly it suits our purpose. Justifies our irrationalities and feeds our own sense of being on control of what we are doing. But sometimes in life many things start happening together so fast that the voices of all the me’s start rising and suddenly, the actual physical me gets confused because I can’t make out which me I should be listening to because in their own endearing little ways, they are all watching out for me, with different takes on the same situation, scarily making clear how many paths there are for us to take, at all given times in life.

waiting for…god-knows.

The funny thing with the way I work is that I wait till the very end. Not necessarily for inspiration to strike but for the off (and sometimes not-so-off) chance that something better, something more processed will hit me other than the initial brainwave. I don’t know if I speak for all “creatives”, for the lack of a better word to use here, but usually when we get a project/something to design, the wheels in our head tend to start turning immediately. After that, everything is process, even if one is not actively working on the actual project itself. Anything can be an inspiration. Anything can suddenly click into the idea and take shape. The world, people you know, daily routines, what you see, suddenly becomes this kaleidoscope of whirling matter- colours, shapes, concepts, and something somewhere jumps out at you and you know that this is it. Only waiting makes it so.

dare.

“When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth, so what the hell, leap!!”- Cynthia Heimel

For as long as I can remember, I have been collecting quotations. Some in this journal I have, some on the computer, some scribbled on scraps of paper stuffed in my wallet. I love surrounding myself with things people say, because each one opens a new idea or thought to me and so many times, I have found a scrap with a quote on it or a document called “untitled” that i just happen to open up and suddenly, for me, the day is made.

Ode to the Cassette Kahani.

I remember those hours, when the grown-ups took their afternoon naps before the shaam ki chai, when all the kids would congregate near the small silver cassette player (a much coveted item in those days of 1985) and listen to the stories. Of magic dragons and shehzadas galore. Of the land far far away and the baadshah who ruled supreme. I can still hear the witch cackling away or the jinn granting wishes. The sound of the flying carpet. And then rushing to the kitchen to get a snack when the song played in the middle of the story (pausing was not allowed).

It was our special afternoon thing to do, crouching on the floor with our faces propped up in our hands, keeping the volume low, waiting in anticipation for the swell of music which meant something exciting was about to happen and then finally, the good-will-prevail-end of the story. Then of course, the reenactments would start. Roles woud be allotted. Who was the prince? Who would be the witch? Plots would get resolved and voices would start emerging.

Needless to say, I was always the witch. And I can still do that voice damn well.