Usually when someone asks me what I do, there is this momentary pause before I answer- a pause only I am aware of. It’s that slight hesitance that even years of working and teaching haven’t resolved. That slight pause holds so much. The fear that one day I’ll be found out- that I’m not really a designer or a teacher- that I have merely been lucky enough to bluff people so far. It also holds a slight unsurity as to whether I have even earned these titles or not. DoI design well? Does my teaching impact? The pause weighs heavy with these questions that only I can hear- maybe because the quest to be better is also mine alone.
It’s only when I’m in the midst of the action, holding a crit in class, designing my heart out on something I truly enjoy, that all the pauses disappear, replaced with the passion of believing in what I do, that it makes some little change somewhere, and I realize that there’s nothing else I would rather be doing in my life than teaching and designing.